Blocked

When you feel blocked and unable to create, what motivates you to get out of it? What are your tools? Do you seek opinions and thoughts from others?

I have been feeling blocked, and in my core, I feel an urge that I can’t really explain. An urge to un-stick what is stuck. 

There are conflicts that arise when we don’t speak our own truth, or walk our own walk. My life has been a series of walking in other people’s shadows, and finding resentment in my unspoken thoughts. They stick to my insides, and wiggle and twist trying to get out, blocking my truth from shining bright. 

I have NEVER been able to set healthy boundaries. Like I said, my unspoken thoughts create resentment around the boundaries I seek to set. In a letter I recently wrote to someone I deeply care for, I spoke about my lack of empathy in recent times. In some way’s I’ve gained control of my truth, and in other ways completely lost it. I have lost sight of compassion, and have been incredibly selfish with my feelings and emotions lately. Really internalizing EVERYTHING and not really feeling anything at all. I’ve temporarily forgotten how to put myself in someone else’s shoes. Seeing things from the other side. I just could not, for the life of me empathize with what other people are going through. 

For the majority of my life, I have been told what to do and how to go about it. Especially for the big things in life. I know it all come from a loving place, but it has created this incessant need to seek answers from others, and be heavily influenced by them. By the ones who I love the most. And instead of setting a healthy boundary from a compassionate standpoint, I create anger and sadness, and keep it inside, for fear of causing pain or hard feelings for others. I have attracted more of what makes me feel insignificant, instead of finding the tools to fix what blocks me.

No one wants a weak and angry person around. No one wants this person who can’t deal with their own sh!t in their lives. This person who has the ability to be insanely empathetic, but just won’t be. 

Brené Brown has opened my insides, speaking of tools to unblock instead of seek answers in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. Sometimes, the answers we seek must come from people we don’t know. They must come from an entirely different perspective in order to be able to take anything from it.

What I’ve taken from Brené’s perspective, is that you need to be honest. With yourself and with those around you who you love. You need to keep your communication open and truthful, so that you don’t create an unspoken problem in the future. Set that healthy boundary. And there needs to be accountability. Hold yourself and those closest to you accountable for what they speak, for how they walk. If you love them, you will point out when you can’t feel their bright and shiny truth. Think of prompts to get them to speak of what’s happening inside. Get creative with your empathy and love. Because, “As long as we are creating, we are cultivating meaning.”

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